Well it turns out I am not going crazy, I just have Fibromyalgia.
This is no surprise to me as all the women on my mother's side have it.What did surprise me is how drastically it has changed my life.
Overnight ( well in the last 6 months) I went from running 2.3 km a day to not being able to walk a block. Losing partial motor functions in my hands.
I went through weeks of crying, being depressed, wondering if I was going to be tired/depressed/in pain for the rest of my life.
I felt like a burden to my family. I felt I was alone and no one could understand my pain and exhaustion.
I fought it, became angry and finally now accepting the new "reality" without feeling like I am simply giving up.
I am learning my limitations, someways I feel good, I dress up, put on makeup.
Other days, I need help dressing myself and walk around in a daze.
I had to get use to asking for help and forgiving myself when I cannot do "what I feel I need to do". Not being ashamed of not being "polished" in front of people, not fearing my husband would leave me or lose my job.
Lâcher prise in French. Which roughly translates to let control go.
That in itself has been terrifying and uncomfortable but I have no choice.
BUT... it's also liberating.
The world has not come to an end because laundry (or all the things on my to do list) is not all done.
So this is my new "normal".
Somedays are bad and somedays are good.
And on the bad days, there is Netflix with the hubby and dogs and cocktails, many cocktails...
...and that is not all that bad is it?
Hat by Ophelie hats photo by Eric Bergeron
